My Teen Ran Away – part 1
“My Teen Ran Away.”
You are in shock. You feel helpless. Is your child safe? Is your child even alive? These are just a few of the thoughts that go through your head when you realize your child sneaked away from the house, is not where she said she would be, or has left a note, packed a bag and left your home. Take a deep breath, try to stay calm and focus. The first thing that will hit you is “is this really happening?” A walk out after a fight is a cooling off period. 24 hours of no contact is more serious. If your teen has decided to leave your home and protection, whether they like it or not, you must do all that you can to protect them.
The following are deliberate steps that you must take once this happens.
If it has been less than 24 hours
Phone:
Phone friends, friends’ parents, and friends of friends. This is no time to kick yourself for not confiscating your teen’s phone or insisting in the past that you have contact information for friends (go to worksheets and download Contact List). Right now you must get information. If you have no contact information then phone the school. They will have a directory and once you explain your situation they may help you locate kids your child hangs out with. Phone their parents. School administrators may even pull kids out of class to question them. Kids are not very good at keeping secrets so it is likely one child will have some idea where your child is, where they were last, or who they were with. If you have your child’s phone, then send a text to everyone in her phonebook saying, “Suzy is missing. Please contact (your number) if you have any information about her. If you are hiding her understand that you are committing a crime and we will press charges.” You are NOT overreacting. You are trying to find your child.
The Police:
By running away, your teen is committing a crime (at least in the jurisdictions we are aware of). Results from calling the police before 24 hours has passed will depend on the town, the age of your child*, and your child’s history of running away. Regardless, we recommend that you contact the police immediately. We recommend this for three reasons. First and foremost the safety of your child; getting a large number of resources mobilized quickly will give you the greatest chance of finding your child quickly. Second, it protects you. If you do not report your child as a runaway then you may be found negligent or a party to your child’s criminal act (running away). Finally, when you find your teen, you may need help. Teens who are angry and trying their best not to be found may run when they see mom or dad looking. If this happens, the police are an excellent resource to corral your teen. The police will need a photograph so locate a recent photograph of your child and be prepared to describe what she was wearing that day. Download “My Child’s Information” from Worksheets and Forms and this will help you organize your thoughts for the police as well as for yourself. You are scared and anxious right now so it will be helpful to write things down so you don’t forget.
*In many jurisdictions police may be reluctant to dedicate resources to teen runaways 17 years of age and older. Please check with your local law enforcement to be sure.
Dr. Kate Walker, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT
AchieveBalance.org
