Help Me Help My Teen, Run Aways, Substance Abuse, Legal Issues, Education Problems

Often there is an academic developmental or behavioral issue that blocks the student’s educational progress. An alternative to public or private school is sometimes necessary to allow the family to regroup and move forward in a constructive manner. Regardless of the situation, change is possible and solutions are attainable. The process involves assessing the problem, viewing the options, and creating a plan that will work for the entire family. Education is the key for change in many of these situations. As students begin to a feel healthy sense of empowerment through their academic strengths, change does occur.
Londa May
Campus Selection

When you discover your child has been arrested, a million thoughts go through your mind. Is your child safe? What do I do now? Even though you are in shock, if your teen has been arrested there are still things that you can to protect her. The following are deliberate steps that you must take once this happens.

Contact the police
Your teen has either committed a crime, has been mistaken for someone who has committed a crime, or has associated with others who have committed a crime (the wrong place at the wrong time). Regardless, we recommend that you contact the police immediately. You will be given the name of the arresting officer or the detective in charge of the crime. He or she will be able to give you information about your child’s offense, where your child is being held, and when your child’s court date will be.

A Lawyer
If your teen has gotten before, you may be facing a complex set of laws and consequences. We advise that you contact a legal professional to help you navigate the judicial system. If you lack the funds to provide your teen with an attorney, one may be provided for you.

Go to the court dates
This may seem like a simple recommendation, but it is important. Remember, when your teen is arrested, in a way, so are you. If you fail to make court appearances with your child, your assigned judge may enforce consequences against you.

Comply with all consequences
After your child attends court it is important that you and your child comply with all edicts prescribed by the judge. Some that may be applied are: community service, visits with a probation officer, individual or group therapy, or classes to address anger or other behaviors.

Dr. Kate Walker, Ph.D, LPC, LMFT
AchieveBalance.org

There are deliberate steps you must take if you find your teen is using drugs or alcohol. Part 1 talked about defining the problem. The next step:

Get Help
By drinking or taking drugs, your teen is committing a crime so you must get her help immediately. Teens who are angry may deny they have a problem or offer any number of excuses and justifications for their use. It is important that you get help from a specialist who deals with drug and alcohol abuse or find a program that is designed for teens who use. You must contact your child’s friends’ parents and let them know you have caught your child using. This is important not only so you can be a good neighbor and give them a heads up that drugs and alcohol have entered the picture; it is also a way for you to judge their reactions and their philosophy about drinking and drug use. If you don’t have contact information for your teen’s friends’ parents then Download My Teen’s Friend List from ‘Worksheets and Forms’ and this will help you organize your thoughts.
Some special programs you should consider are:

Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor
Addictions counseling is a form of mental health counseling that specializes in understanding the addictive process as well as the impact of addiction on the client, family and society. The requirements to become a chemical dependency specialist differ according to state but all counselors who hold this endorsement must be able to recognize the potential for substance use disorders and behavioral addictions to mimic a variety of medical and psychological disorders. In addition, the addictions counselor recognizes the potential for medical and psychological disorders to co-exist with addiction (called a dual diagnosis). In many states counselors and therapists who are not chemical dependency certified/licensed are able to treat individuals who are using drugs and alcohol; however they cannot display the chemical dependency credential without the special training. These services may or may not be covered by insurance. Go to ‘Worksheets and Forms’ to download a sample Letter of Medical Necessity (LOMN) you can send to your insurance company if they try to deny coverage.

Alternative Peer Group (APG)
This little known treatment modality may be highly effective in not only helping your child, but also helping you and your entire family. The groups vary from region to region but the basic philosophy is the same: Immerse the teen in a peer group of healthy teens in recovery. The most effective groups we know of also immerse the parents in a group of healthy parents in recovery. This dual support helps parents stick to rules and consequences that aid the teen in his recovery as well as provide the teen with daily therapeutic intervention and social activities that are drug and alcohol free. Some good ones we know of are:

Cornerstone Recovery www.cornerstonerecovery.org
Palmer Drug and Alcohol Program

Intensive Outpatient (IOP) and Residential Treatment (RTC).
When Counseling and APG groups are not working to stop your teen from using, you may need the help of an IOP or residential treatment center.
An IOP is considered to be an intermediate level of intervention. Teens attend a group 2 to 5 times a week (depending on the structure of the program) for 2 to 3 hours at a time. Teens may receive one on one counseling, group counseling, as well as participate in community activities. A licensed clinician generally leads the groups. An IOP can also be a step-down treatment from a residential treatment program and can help with the transition back into the home.
Residential treatment (RTC) refers to the extended stay facilities with intensive services but that are less intensive that inpatient facilities such as hospitals. Teens stay at residential facilities that treat their addiction and promote their movement towards independence. Residential treatment stays can range from a few weeks to several months.

A Word About Insurance
Insurance will generally cover more intense services if you have exhausted ‘lower levels of care.’ What this means is, many insurance companies don’t want residential treatment to be your first intervention and may deny your claim (Go to Worksheets and Forms to download a sample letter you can send to your insurance company if they try to deny coverage). If at all possible, seek help from a counselor or APG first, then move to the IOP and residential treatment options. Of course if your teen is in crisis, go to your nearest emergency room and let the insurance company sort it out later.

Dr. Kate Walker, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT
AchieveBalance.org

Take an inventory
What is missing? What was your child wearing today? Is there a note? Now is a good time to go through your child’s belongings. Go to “Worksheets and Forms” and download the Inventory Worksheet. Search drawers, between mattresses, and in pillowcases. Check less obvious places like the pockets of jackets and pants, and the insides of shoes. If you find something you don’t recognize, keep it and set it aside in a box. You are looking for anything that could provide you with information about your child’s whereabouts so that includes notes, phone numbers scribbled on paper, drugs, drug paraphernalia, empty containers, anything that might be another piece in the puzzle.

My Space/Facebook
If you have your child’s social networking account username and password then login to their page and post in LARGE letters, “THIS IS SUZY’S MOTHER. SUZY IS MISSING. WE ARE VERY WORRIED ABOUT HER. PLEASE CONTACT (YOUR CONTACT INFO) IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION. IF YOU ARE HIDING HER OR HELPING HER UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE COMMITTING A CRIME AND WE WILL PRESS CHARGES.” Again, this is not the time to kick yourself for trusting your teen and not requiring her to give you her password. We are betting on the fact that teenagers are not good at keeping secrets and very few of them want to be in trouble so it is likely you will get some information from this tactic.

Get in the car and look
Go to the favorite skate park, the store where she hangs out with her friends, the mall, the woods. Enlist your neighbors and family if they live close by. You may be embarrassed by your child’s behavior but you will find the more help you have now, the more eyes you will have later.

24 hours and still no word
If you still have not heard from your teen after 24 hours and you have not called the police, stop reading this, pick up the phone, and call. We’ll wait.
Don’t stop doing the above steps. Keep phoning individuals, checking the school, calling the detective in charge of your case, driving, and searching. Post photos of your child on light posts and hang out in the places your teen used to go. Stay aggressive.

Bring in national resources
With the advent of the Internet, social networking sites, and texting sometimes teens can make contacts in other states. If your teen has an allowance or has saved money then she can easily purchase a ticket on public transportation to other states. If this is the case you will find it is difficult to navigate the laws and jurisdictions in other states. A teen on the run across state lines is committing a crime and you need national resources that can disseminate and receive information quickly and efficiently. We recommend

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US

National Runaway Hotline

http://www.nrscrisisline.org/

Dr. Kate Walker, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT
AchieveBalance.org